Work it Out

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

I'm not alone in feeling undervalued and under-appreciated as a SAHM. Many SAHMs feel this way. I wouldn't trade my ability to stay at home with my children for any high paying job. I love my kids, I love my husband, I love my "job" but that doesn't mean I don't get the blues every once in a while. I feel so frustrated. I clean the house to the point you could lick the carpets and come up with fresh breathe and three hours later there are bits of trash all over, toys scattered, papers stacked in random strange places, sneakers and boots left in the middle of the floor, crumbs in my bed. Its normal. It happens. But today I woke up like it was a personal attack on me. When my son, who is home from school for a psychiatry appointment, fought tooth and nail over doing his schoolwork it felt like a personal attack on me. When my daughter, who is only 15mo and perfectly innocent and unaware, decided the perfect time to pitch a fit and hit Mommy was when she was doing the menu for Easter dinner ... it felt like a personal attack on me. When my husband got crabby because his acid reflux was acting up and started slamming things around in the kitchen, it felt like a personal attack on me.

These things are nor related. They are just things. Things happen. I know that my son isn't fighting homework because he hates me. I know my daughter isn't being a little terror because she hates me. I know my husband isn't cranky because he hates me. No one hates me. Or at least no one that matters. I'm just feeling vulnerable, over sensitive, and overwhelmed.

I have to remember what I have already accomplished. I managed to pass my classes for the quarter despite health problems. I got Honor's list the two previous quarters. I have a clean house and healthy children. I have bills paid.

Today I am going to Pivotal Fitness to try them out for a week with my MiL. Today I'm going to go work it out.

Discovery

Friday, April 4, 2014

I discovered today that I'm fat. Now don't get me wrong, I've always known I was big. I always known I was over-weight ... but its never phased me. Cruel comments slide off like rain on the windshield, barely leaving a trail before they are gone. Today, I discovered that I am not just over-weight. I am fat. I am unhealthy. I am unhappy. This blog has been a place for me to vent, most of my posts left as drafts because they were outrageous or to painfully personal to expose to the internet (though no one reads this anyway) but today, today I am taking a stand against what I have become. I deserve to live a life where I can pass by a mirror and go "Well hot damn!" not "Oh sweet jesus, no!"

I picked up a bottle of multivitamins and a bottle of Garcinia Cambogia. I have a diet plan. I have a work out plan. Most importantly, I have a goal and a motivator. I need to loose one-hundred-mother-fucking pounds. Are you with me interwebz? Because we are about to go on a roller-coaster ride from hell. Welcome to Boot-Camp, bitches.